Since I've Been Loving You

Let's be honest. Starting a project when someone dies is kind of morbid. I'm feeling a bit like a sham but that could be the guilt talking. I don't want to capitalize on something that is this painful. I've gotten some accolades from people about the blog. I've got some really great supportive friends and family. Maybe that's why I feel like crap. I think it's also weighing on me that I have a lot to be grateful for and I have been happy all day today. I'm taking care of my baby boy and bible study went well last night so I'm in a pretty good place right now. But I can't help but think about my friend and the family that is mourning... while I blog.

Led hated this picture when I sent it to him, he said I looked like a 14 year old. Hilda however, this was her favorite picture of me. 

Today I set out to do something. I wanted to see someone but the car is in the shop. So I randomly called Hilda when she was on FB. She was on her way out to pay some bills but like always, I keep her on the phone. We didn't speak much about the sadness that I've been feeling (which is so weird because I feel like every time I call her all I do is talk about me) but man she is so beautiful and gracious all of the time I just need to keep her on the phone!!!! Hilda lives in Texas with her amazing Pastor/Handyman husband and her son. Everything she posts on fb is to edify God and bring glory to him. They have a home church called House of Bread and it's amazing. Robert is an amazing preacher. I'm pretty sure the best I've ever had the opportunity to listen to and that is saying a lot because I get a lot out of what my pastor here in Chicago preaches about.

My history with Hilda is kind of nice to look back at. When I worked at a music store in San Antonio a hot guy came up to the register to sell some Tales From the Crypt boxed sets. He was covered in tattoos and had giant gauged ears. His hair was scene like and he wore flannel with jeans. Looked kind of dirty. I was immediately attracted! He invited me to church for the next day and I took the flyer and said I would go. That evening I went out to a club "The Sanctuary" (hilariously named) and got trashed. I was so drunk I had to have my ex boyfriend meet me because there was no way I was going to make it home. I met him down the street. Apparently I was going closer to 45 in a 20 than I realized. See kids, this is why we don't drink and drive. I went through a stop sign and reversed at a high speed after I realized he was at the stop sign waiting for me. I was laughing hysterically as the cops pulled up behind me. 2 cop cars and I was so trashed all I could do was laugh. I moved to the passenger seat and my ex yelled at me as he got into the driver seat. I can only explain it as a miracle but I the cops left. They just left.

Feed the body then the soul. Bible study food.

The next day we went to breakfast. I went rollerskating for friends' a church event noticed my soda was missing alcohol and decided to high tail it to church after that realization. I accepted Christ that day and gave up the last thing that bound me to Earth. People. Codependency was my God and sometimes it will raise it's ugly little head but I knew that that was standing in the way of a true relationship with Christ. When I was done crying I looked up and saw my friend Alex!!!  And then a few minutes later my friend Tara. I was so happy. It was like God was saying "don't worry little one, you will still have friends". To be honest, I haven't really lost anyone. I have weeded people out but that has been my choice. That day, the hot guy introduced me to some people and kind of just left me to talk with my friends. I was invited to his place along with Alex and Tara and we went. I was more concerned that he was inviting us without really letting the people he lived with know we were being invited but he was sure it was ok. Sure enough, that day I met one of the most amazingly godly women I have ever met. Her name was Hilda. She had long dark hair, it was braided and she was super friendly. My night ended with me playing Scrabble and having hot cocoa (Land o lakes kind you fool!) and listening to boys fart and blame each other. It was so wholesome. It was just pure clean (stinky) fun.
Hilda took a vested interest in the young ladies she met. She had a great approach. Just love. No harshness and she was always really honest with what was right and what was wrong but never seemed like a jerk about it. It goes to show if a person is truly Christ like they can have a better impact then those jerks that are always tearing people down. Be the example people!! Be a good witness!

One day we met to eat at Bill Miller (like always) and I met her and another young lady there. I had just got a new(er) car and I was kind of upset about it. I didn't like red. It was sporty. I liked vintage but those cars kept breaking down on me. So, I was at dinner and I started to complain. It was habit. I had been saved like a week and it was just my personality. She reminded me to be grateful for everything and pointed out that God provided the job I had to afford the car as well as the car itself. She was right and it was the first lesson I learned. I would like to mention that the car I had lasted me years and I only got rid of it because I take public transportation everywhere or just use my husbands car now. This was a lesson I took to heart because a lot of my life was defined by exclusivity and material possessions. I have never forgot that lesson. I really want some Bill Miller's now...

I sent this picture to Hilda when she asked to see the baby when I found out I was expecting.

Today Hilda is pretty much the same person she has always been as long as I have known her. She is loving, respectful and talks smack to me. For a long time I referred to her as my 'Christian Mother'
because she did such a great job teaching me about the Word and helping me to develop an amazingly strong foundation in Christ. Without her, I don't know what I would have done. She was there when I lost my job and she was there when I was going through issues with my boyfriends. She is also one heck of a thrifting partner!


I spoke with my friends little brother today. I will from here on out refer to him at Harry because I used to babysit him and take him to get Harry Potter books from the library when they were all the rage. I was glad to hear from him but as always we have long conversations and I can't help but feel bad that there isn't more that I can do. I pray for him and his family because this is going to be a rocky road as they journey back from out of town where his brother passed away. I look farward to seeing him but it truly is bittersweet.

Listening to Caillou on the tv while the kiddo watches. Also listening to Marilyn Manson, Album: Mechanical Animals and Lest we Forget [The Best of]. Madonna- "Hung Up" via Youtube. Led Zeppelin, Album: Early Days: Since I've Been Loving You, Stairway to Heaven