Oh yeah, so I'm just going to use Kevin's name from now on. I remember him a lot. When you live in Chicago and see the same places that you used to visit with old friends, it's hard not to remember. Coming in from the burbs, there is a particular spot that I love. It's on the highway, where the skyline is big and beautiful and it's Chicago. The first time I saw it as a 21 year old was with Kevin. We were coming in from the burbs with his little brother. Speaking of, I spoke with him just a little after Thanksgiving. It was so great to hear his voice. I missed him. It was awkward and I was honest about that. I was also honest about the reason why I hadn't called, I thought too much time had passed. I thought about them on Thanksgiving because this was the first holiday without him. He mentioned that the last time he saw Kevin was 2 years ago at Thanksgiving. Christmas was coming up and I saw in between shows but I was happy to chat with him. He and I still need to get together for coffee but I'm not sure when that will be. I am a little worried about him because he's young and I'm always going to kind of feel a need to care for the kid I used to babysit but he's made some healthy choices lately regarding his family and he has a new job and a new apartment. There was one major thing we discussed outside of the second funeral and time he spent in Mexico which was Kevin's tox results. When Kevin passed away he was found by his father, still warm to the touch. As his dad tried to wake him, Kevin was unresponsive. Medics were called to the scene but they were unable to revive him. He was a drinker and his past had some light drug usage so it was a little scary to wait for the results. Hoping it wasn't self inflicted (well yes it's still self inflicted but you know what I mean) and hoping that there would be a clear cut answer was the main thing. The results came back as Alcohol poisoning. There was a feeling of relief and a feeling of sadness. All those what if's come up. His father mentioned he was warm to the touch when he began his visit with Kevin. After all the thoughts that raced through my head it didn't matter. He was still gone and It's heartbreaking that my friend couldn't get out from under his addiction. It's scary when I think about how many people have these issues and how they can destroy whole lives and the lives around them. Did you know, I stopped drinking when I became a Christian. It didn't really matter much except to say that I was dry for 2 months. The week I was leaving I went out for dinner and drinks with some close friends. I had a few drinks but was cautious. The same week, during my trip from Texas to Memphis to Chicago with Erika, we had some drinks but we were too exhausted and dehydrated from the vast amount of caffeine to drink. And then I arrived back in Chicago and met Kevin again. And it was lust and excess. Old emotions and infatuation and idols and drinking was fun because it was all on him. Okay so it was mostly fun except when I broke out in hives... which was like day 2 of drinking in Chicago, my family members have this weird allergy if we don't have alcohol for a long period of time and then consume it, we break out in hives... I still have no idea what I'm allergic to. So as Nicole would say, we broke the seal. It was my first time I completely walked away from Christ. I tried to get back to Christ and eventually did, even was able to bring Kevin to church with me but when we stopped seeing each other we didn't keep in contact. I guess he kept drinking and I went back to Christ.
I once had a teacher that had a couple of books published. She said that you never ever erase what you've written, you only put a line through it. You'll find me doing that from time to time, especially as I talk in my next post.
Thank God for Arthur Avalos, my first real best friend.
Gran Tourismo by The Cardigans. Mechanical Animals- Marilyn Manson. Posthuman - Marilyn Manson, Excuse Me Mr., Happy Now - No Doubt, Dried Up, Tied and Dead to the World - Marilyn Manson.
