Album: Antics by Interpol and Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger

He's single... 

While in Spanish class I sat next to a friend and we were singing a song I didn't know all of the words to. This seems to be a common trend with me but anyway, I also had no idea who sang it.

Me: "Paranoia, paranoia everybody's coming to get me... just say you never met me... I wonder who sings this song"
Ricky: (says something inaudible)
Me: (oh the cute guy said something) What?
Ricky: Harvey Danger
Me: (Oh... he's gay) thanks.

And through this common exchange we became Best Friends (I feel like the word Forever is implied)

I was on about 2.5 hours of sleep... and yes I love my tshirt.

Most of our conversations immediately turn to trashing or swearing or incoherently discussing things. We've discussed a possible blog but I feel like I would be shunned from family and friends if we did it. Who we are together is who we have always been around one another and for some reason the dynamic has not changed very much since high school. Could we have an intelligent conversation? Sure, but why should we when we can be complete idiots with each other? I don't think I have this type of relationship with anyone else in the world. Mostly because it's incredibly vulgar and repulsive (that's what she said! <---- you see this?). We came to the conclusion that the reason why we are so far apart is because we would get in to a lot of trouble together if we still lived in the same city. Yes, I will be 30 in a few months.

I should note that there are many many jokes between us that nobody can touch, so here are some things about us that you can know but won't get to be a part of:

1. Things we care about: Renee's birthday on January 9th. Things we don't care about: Ricky's birthday, sometime after January 9th, which is why nobody cares and nobody knows when it is. It could be the 13th but again, nobody cares. Why are we still discussing this?

   

   Coca Cola spokesperson... maybe... sure beats that hoochie drink Big Red! Bam! Said it!

2. The reason why Ricky is not straight and I am a woman OR the reason why I am not a man when Ricky is gay- We would inevitably take over and then ruin the world. It would all come to an end, a horrible, disgusting end.
3. This one time we were waiting for the bus and one of us said something like: "Aw man I wish we had wings..." and the other replied "so we could fly to the bus". We are still in agreeance to this very day and probably still just as lazy.
4. My favorite game was when we would have conversations with one another while reading book titles at Barnes and Noble or while driving on the highway. We once had a small audience.
5. He is smarter than me. This is something that I can freely admit because he actually is. He's included me in his "smart friends" list but I know it's only because of my common sense approach to life and so that I won't feel bad. He reads and learns and is a jerk for it. Due to the above admission I feel like I should mention something about him, the one thing he couldn't do in high school. Do you know what he couldn't do? He couldn't get a higher grade on his Spanish class than me. Oh want to know something else? I copied all of his homework and he helped me through the class. Kind of a slap in the face isn't it? The person you help gets a higher grade than you- kind of burns huh? What if I told you that said person with the higher grade happened to see an opportunity and took full advantage of being in the front row on the day of the final and happened to notice that the last four answers to the final were written on the back of the teachers' paper as she read off of it. Truth be told, I wasn't the only person who noticed. One of our friends' noticed as well and we had higher grades than Ricky. Still burns, doesn't it... ha! Ya burnt!

   

   One of the many nights I was picked up and whisked off somewhere to eat or watch a movie

6. Ricky taught me how to dance in his apartment parking lot. I didn't know how to do anything. Now I can be a stripper if I wanted to (no I don't want to). The song he taught me to dance to is Michael by Franz Ferdinand. Yes, you read that correctly, I learned how to dance like a stripper by a man. 
7. I am still learning about the Birds and the Bees and he recently filled me in on a bunch of stuff I didn't know. TMI? Maybe, but it's the truth. He's so very scientific about the approach that it's difficult to not think I'm learning from a teacher or something. Surprisingly, there is very little vulgarity during the Q and A of these conversations.
8. 
9. Without rhyme or reason we assigned ourselves as "Bloods" and he taught me gang signs. I never could figure out the Crypt Killa sign!
10. He tried to teach me my right from my left and simply explained that my right was my trigger finger... I explained that in terms of gun usage I would most likely be ambidextrous and still have a hard time with my right/left... yes, I said I was almost 30. 
11. He is the only person I was allowed to go out with until all hours of the night. He was able to pick me up at 10 pm and bring me back super late... like 3am... it actually happened on a school night a few times. We watched movies, ate and hung out. Also, his dad would always give him money to "take me somewhere special"... because he thought I was his girlfriend or hoped I would turn him straight. 
12. I never tried to 'make him straight". I did consider kissing him once but didn't and it was a desperate idea that came about at a low point. Also, I will say, we were very close so I did have issues with him choosing to hang with his boyfriend when they got serious. Also, I hate most of his girlfriends for hitting on him. 
13. In high school I started to call him Ricky. Most people still call him Richard. I also call him Gumby... He calls me Pokey. 



Deer in the headlights look...

14. There was no Jesse.

True story... maybe.

He was probably 16 here

So aside from all of the messing around and fun we've had I'm going to tell you why I hold this guy to such a high regard, He was there when I dated all of my boyfriends in high school. He is the person I went to when I was literally slapped in the face by my ex and consoled me after I drove all the way to San Marcos from San Antonio. He slept on the floor as I slept on the couch in the common area at the university. He fed me Sonic numerous times, he taught me about music and graphically (and I mean in explicit detail) taught me about the birds and the bees. He was part of our group and the person I preferred to all of my friends. He helped me keep my dignity with the wrong guys, danced with me to Interpol when I thought I should hit a honey bear bong after being pot free for about 5 years and even when I was a jerk to him, and I was, as I did leave him after we had plans many times because a guy called, he never once judged me. Never. He accepted me for who I was. Even his mom accepted me (sorry about the DUI/Tickets after Ricky hung out with me while we were underage drinking and he was speeding... and thanks for picking me up on the side of the road that one time at some ungodly hour and trying to talk sense into me).

I was probably 17 here. Size 3!

Ricky sided with me always, trashed talked people he knew and liked if I was pissed off at them and even though we don't hang out much now, if ever I needed to hide a body, he'd be at my door with the shovel, a car and some bleach. Last year when the sea change was going down he talked me into making sane decisions and talked me out of irrational ideas that I had come up with. He explained that what I was going through was a long time coming, was normal and I just had to accept it. And when I decided not to listen to him, as I always do, he helped fixed me. He is the only person (besides Rick and maybe Erika) who knows me better than myself and he is the only person who knows the whole story. A few people know parts, but he knows everything because he get's the late night calls when I'm struggling. Mike may know a lot of it too but she was in Italy when I was falling apart last year so she got the aftermath. Also, both Erika's were there for it as well.

When I got to Texas last week I thought we would hit First Friday and see what was popping. He asked that Erika M. and I meet him at a place called the Friendly Spot... I didn't know if this was some gay hangout in a dark park but Erika knew what it was and we walked from her perfectly parked car over to him.
It ended up being a little restaurant area where there were kids playing on a jungle gym at 9:40pm at night*. He was there in the crowd wearing one of his trademark t-shirts (one of the only people I know who can pull of these types of shirts) but First Friday was lame and maybe it's because I'm slightly stuck up but I felt like it was really commercialized and the galleries I went to see were closed so that was even more annoying. We walked around for a bit and hung around the Blue Star area. I can't tell you anything we talked about because, well, you'd all be offended.

So here are some old pictures:

At Sonic

At Mama Margie's

At Sonic

Mars, our dog who was lost as soon as I moved away to Chicago. I still regret leaving him behind.

Here are some pictures from Blue Star:

Ricky and Erika M.

This blurry picture about sums up 30 some odd hours of no sleep on my road trip

Honestly, I missed hanging out with him. I wish we could have done more but these 3 hours (if that) were the only time we saw each other during my most recent trip to San Anto! We tried to go dancing a few times but it just didn't work out. He didn't come to eat pizza on my last night in town, nor did he come to the bbq at Jen's house but I wasn't really surprised. He's a busy boy with a lot on his plate and I think the friendship doesn't require that I see him the entire trip. I do think if I had gone there alone or sans Rick it may have been a bit different but seriously, I had a great time this night even if all we did was sit at a bench on S. Alamo and hang out.

He is single gentlemen. Maybe single and looking... not quite sure. He has a great job, a great personality and really loves music and movies. Also, he's very interested animals, biology and all things that boys like and yes I'm generalizing here but the guy still climbs trees so yeah, I don't care.

Led-
I haven't mentioned him in a while because I haven't written in a while. I think about him daily. For the rest of my life I will remember him when a Led Zeppelin song comes on. Same goes for U2. Can't seem to shake it even when I try. I have noticed that some songs by Red Hot Chili Peppers really sting. I can't believe he's gone. It feels so weird. I know that I will never run in to him again. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but there was a time when everywhere I looked I saw him. Super strange but it still happens when I see someone that shares a characteristic of his. The song Since I've Been Loving You came on while we were driving to Chicago this one time and I remember holding hands and he kept trying to let go to shift gears but I didn't want to let go. He gently pulled away and brought his hand back to mine as soon as he shifted gears. I think of that moment every time I hear this song. The impact of music. Likewise, I call Ricky every time I hear Flagpole Sitta or Total Eclipse of the Heart and sing a very vulgar rendition while screaming into what is most likely his voice mail.

Note: Kids, if you are reading this, don't cheat in school. It's not a good thing to copy off of someone's homework nor is it right to cheat on a final exam. If you have to cheat then you deserve to get caught. You should have studied. Heed my words!!! Also, another life lesson, if you are ever guilty, ah I shouldn't be saying this, but deny, deny, deny. I still don't know if my ex cheated on me because I'm 100% sure he lived by this motto. It's harder to deny the truth as a Christian but it still comes to mind. Now I just try to always tell the truth which makes life easier.

Listening to: Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger, Grimes- Oblivion, Black Eyed Peas, Franz Ferdinand, At the Drive In, and Sneaker Pimps.
Also, somberly listening to the album Antics by Interpol.
And out of pitty for Nick L., Cookie Monster Rotten Body Landslide by Cannibal Corpse
Led Zeppelin- Since I've been Loving You

Come on Brah... (Nick Lazas)

We are basically the same... I'm about 3 sizes larger womp womp.

The last time I saw Nick I was in the midst of a migraine. I was nauseous and could barely hold my head up against the open window as he drove me back to my car from our early dinner at some dive Jamaican restaurant. We didn't even eat, or maybe he ate really fast but I took my food to go and when I did eat it, I was angry because it was delicious and I had missed out on not only enjoying great food but also on the opportunity to catch up. I don't remember much from that day except a bright sunset piercing my eyes and me praying I wouldn't throw up in his car or mine as I drove back into the city. I apologized and I didn't see him for about 7 years. 

This is when I sprung the blog on Nick.

I hung out with one of our old friends* a few months ago and mentioned Nick in a conversation. At this point he had been off my Fb list for a while but when she told me about some of the stuff going on with him I wanted to check in to see how he was doing. I didn't delete him from Fb for any particular reason except that he never responded about hanging out a few years back and I kind of felt like he was blowing me off. In hindsight, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, he had more pressing things going on. Our friend said she hadn't seen him in a while but knew he was doing well. Of course, I wanted to see for myself so, enter Nick. I have had him on my Fb page the entire time I've been on fb with the exception of a few months when I deleted him. I would even say there is a good chance that if he had myspace, he was on my friends list, maybe even my top 10 (remember top 10!?). We attended Glenbard East High School together in Lombard, IL. I only went there for a total of 4 months but I still considered him one of my favorite people and one of my closer friends. While there I immediately gravitated to the 'outsider/goth' group and that's kind of where I stayed. I don't even remember meeting Nick. I remember being in World History with him but I don't remember if we had lunch or any other classes together. I do know, we walked together to our math classes after lunch so maybe we did have lunch together? I donno but there was a math wing and I remember we walked together. He had graph paper and a zip drive (remember zip drives!!?? I think that was him...). Over all, I thought he was a cool person, he wouldn't take crap from anyone but he also had this weird extra respectful way about him. He never hit on me, which was a plus because I can probably say that he is the only close guy friend who has never made a pass or made me uncomfortable in any way. He was a cute boy and he listened to all of the same music that I listened to so it was an easy friendship. He was dating a pregnant girl when I met him, not really sure what happened but he was pretty invested in the relationship. I remember seeing him with his girlfriend for the first time and he was carrying her books or helping her at her locker. Being with a pregnant girl  in a small town and not giving a crap, that says a lot about a person.

When I attended East, a lot of people had been in this weird environment where they knew each other

Clearly from another mother...

for around 10 years. I was kind of like a culture shock, not only was I a new kid, from Chicago, I was also related to some of their classmates that they didn't even know had a sibling in Chicago. My siblings are half Asian, thin, tall, Asian eyes, and I am the complete opposite. Most people didn't realize that my brother was my brother until I told them. I distinctly remember one boy saying "Vince is your brother? But you're so cool!!!" I stood up for my brother but accepted that I was cooler than him. Still am (hi-oooo!!!). Nick was an acquaintance of my brother because they attended school as kids. After 4 months passed, blah blah blah I moved away, was replaced by a dog named Cupcake and went to Texas to finish High School. I wanted to keep in contact with more people but as luck would have it, aside from about 3 other people from Lombard, Nick was one of the only people who I kept in contact with move after move. I mean, meeting people from FB is keeping in contact but I mean, real contact, phone calls, visits when I was in town, letters, although, truth be told, I was kind of awful at writing back. One day, Nick sent me this awesome box filled with random things and a video letter. I remember he sent me a cd he made and there was a song on there that he dedicated to me, it sounded kind of happy but was called Dance of the Dead...hmmm. When I visited Chicago, I made sure to stop in Lombard and he was the person I usually went to go see. I surprised him once at his battle of the bands rehearsal. As soon as he was done he jumped down from the stage and welcomed me with a big Nick bear hug.

He kind of looks like he could have killed me that day

During a visit he convinced me to get in to his trunk so that when I popped out I could scream and scare one of our friends. I kind of let us down because when he opened the trunk I was kind of just lying there listening to him tell our friend Mel that he wanted to show her something in the trunk. If I had it to do over again, I totally would, I would scream bloody murder in hopes to fulfill Nick's earlier request and really scare her. She told me later that we scared the crap out of her which is hilarious because all I did was lay there and say "Hey" when he opened the trunk. Please note, I am claustrophobic and  know way too much about serial killers so this was a big leap of faith for me to trust Nick enough that he wouldn't take me to the woods and kill me. 

Nick was never one to just sit and do nothing when I was in town. I don't remember everything we did, I've got kind of a bad memory about it but I do remember this one time I hid (again) in his car

Random place Nick took me, maybe it was Bruno's room

(just the backseat now) while he went to my dad's house and knocked on the door for me. I was doing everything in my power to avoid my dad and just see my siblings. The picture above with me and the 3 Asians was taken by Nick. Maybe it's instances like these that helped me hold him to a high regard. He was helpful and sweet and didn't expect anything from anyone, ever. His mother raised him well, which brings me to my next point, HE LOVES HIS MOTHER. Not in a Norman Bates way but he really respects her and I think it plays a role in how he treats people, especially women. He's always been very caring when he talked about her. She lives in another state right now but I know he's vying for her to come back. During one visit, I remember she greeted me and I was thinking "His mom knows my name? I was only in Lombard for a few months!" As time went on and the distance grew from Chicago to San Antonio, she would ask how I was doing over the phone. I can see now where Nick get's his concern for others, just a genuine request to know how someone is doing. You don't find many people like this these days. Nick is also incredibly

Quiet Paul and Nick waiting with me at the Metra stop.

close to Paul his brother from another mother. I don't know Paul at all. I've been around him a handful of times in my life but I know nothing about him except the general information Nick has shared, he's alive, doing well. Paul was always really quiet so that may have played a part in it. I will say, if he lived with Nick and his mom, there is a good chance he's a great person too. She did a great job raising her boys and I commend her for that. 

Me stuck in traffic staring at my city 

So, as I was saying, I added Nick a few months ago when this whole thing with Led went down. Decided that even if I didn't talk with him, I could still fb stalk him and make sure he's doing ok. I've missed him. I was hoping he wouldn't be too busy to hang out since we hadn't seen or spoken to each other for years and much to my excitement, when I asked, he wasn't. We set up a brunch for a week after. He picked the place and I made it a point to buy a Keurig in that area so I could kill two birds with one stone and the day was set. In perfect Renee fashion, I was just about an hour late. He patiently waited for me and even saved some fresh doughnut appetizers for me. Oh, I forgot to mention, I had a stomach ache and I felt a migraine coming on... but I was determined to not let that ruin my day.  The conversation wasn't immediately easy but then again, what do you say to someone you haven't seen in 7 years? Once the food came, we were able to keep it going pretty easily and then it was very natural. For me, I felt like hey we're back to normal again. He talked up some other breakfast restaurants and I hope to hit some of them up soon. We talked about the usual things, family life, friends etc. Then we talked about Nick and Renee regular things such as food and serial killers. I later watched a movie he recommended and was pleased with most of what I saw. I didn't realize until I watched it that 1, a Gacy painting would fetch around 3k and 2. I fall asleep while listing to heavy metal. He's single ladies, he's got a well paying job and works in Bedford Park (just right out side of Chicago). If that doesn't get ya going, he was once a Donkey Kong champion. I forget if it's US or Regional but it was something.

 

This is when I knew Nick was a man of food and of his word... his word being that this food was amazing.

All in all, it was great catching up with him. I would have liked more time but had to pick up the Keurig and get back home. I'd also like for him to meet Rick and my kiddo. I have a tentative dinner set up with Nick for when I return from my trip from Texas to discuss his blog. It's hilarious and vulgar and he apologizes to his mom for that during episode 2. I can't wait to listen to the rest of them but this is adult content, I can't stress that enough.  We leave for TX in a few minutes but I wanted to finish this blog (for the second time, as I didn't save the first) and mention It's weird hanging out with people through this project. I've heard back from people and was able to see a few people but not everyone. I've also written about some and just haven't posted yet due to the craziness for my schedule lately. Also, the last 2 people I wrote about used terms like "slap in the face" or "I sounded like a jerk " (jerk was not the word they used), so I am trying my best to show a little more tact in my writing. I used to love writing until I was told something that literally changed the trajectory of my college career. I was an English major and wanted to be a writer. I eventually moved into Mortuary Science which with my love of gore and respect for the dead was incredibly natural. I didn't go through with finishing the program because I wasn't happy with the business aspect of it but totally thought that I would have been great as an embalmer until the Autopsy date night I had with Rick, Mike and Joey a few months ago. Young Renee, Ah... the good ole days.

NOTE: I went to Erika's a few nights ago and no matter what kitchen utensil or item I required she had it... in Mickey form. I would ask for something and she would say "here it is" and hand me a Mickey gloved shaped something. We were laughing about it and as I was making fun of her she was putting dishes away and my eyes widened in judgment as every single thing she pulled from the drying rack was drenched in Mickey Mouse. Much to my dismay, I didn't realize that I was adding as much sea salt as I was and we had to rework the food a few times. See, this is what happens when you don't taste food. She was gracious and complimented the food we were able to salvage and although I didn't try it, I believe her that she enjoyed it.

* I haven't written about everyone I've met up with because I want to continue hanging out with people and catching up. I'm finding that I can give a background and I can give an update but unless I keep it going, it's not really a friendship in real life, it's just a friendship on fb that I forced in to real life.

Listening to Nick's podcast: http://comeonbrah.podbean.com/. 

Guys, this is incredibly vulgar. I mean, there is no way I can listen to this without headphones or even with people around. It's smutty and witty at the same time and geeze it's hilarious. He and his friend are hilarious. Chango might like this...